Advent

It's been over a year since I've been to this blog, I had even forgotten how to log in!
So why now?  I don't have a camera to make this blog incredible with beautiful, heart-stopping pictures, I don't have anything to say that others haven't said in ways that take my breath away.
I think I'm just here for me, to say what is on my heart and have a place to go back and review.
My blog is called My Unfurling because I long for the day when my hands are not clenched in fists but relaxed in peace and trust.  It's a habit that I have done all my life but had only noticed the last few years.  I think the clenched fist is a symbol of needing to protect myself. In the last few years I opened up to a few new people, people who I thought would love and support me as I would and still will for them, and then they hurt me.I mean really hurt me, not the kind of hurt like a high school hurt but a deep in my soul hurt. The kind of hurt that makes me want to bang on their closed doors to me and plead with them to help me make sense of it.  I didn't change. The cholerics of the world must see me as an open target! But my fist is not closed,or my heart.  I will stay open because it is only through loving that you can put yourself in a place to be hurt.

So this Advent my goal is fasting, prayer and meditation.  I want to give the best I can, the best I am, the unfurled me to the Christ child everyday.

Happy Birthday to Our Lady

It is our Lady's birthday! What a gift, a treasure God gave us in His Mother.

"We never give more honour to Jesus than when we honour his Mother, and we honour her simply and solely to honour him all the more perfectly. We go to her only as a way leading to the goal we seek - Jesus, her Son."
--Saint Louis Marie de Montfort

What more can I say?  Happy Birthday to my Holy Mother Mary,my heart is full of love for you.

Still here

It has been a long, hard, hot summer. Our big established trees are showing great distress and my heart will be so sad if we lose them. We've watered as much as we can afford but we will see if it was enough.

My fist has been clenched tight these months just trying to get through this summer. Hanging clothes to save money and watching our garden dry up, the same one that was going to provide fresh canned tomatoes all winter and fresh frozen green beans, Gone! The grasshoppers enjoyed them and mighty grasshoppers they were. They reminded me of the grasshoppers mentioned in
The Little House on the Prairie books.

Perhaps when a little cool weather comes I will be refreshed and my soul will be ready to teach these souls entrusted to me.
But now I am hot and worn, worn slick like a stone that as been rubbed smooth by constant water pouring over it.


I am clinging on to God right now, trying to gear up for our 18th year of homeschooling. You would think after all these years it would be easier but you cannot rest on the fact that the others are off and doing well. You still have to finish raising these left at home and still be there emotionally for those off on their own.

Soon a cool breeze will refresh us and I will be energized to sow hundreds of wonderful acorns of faith, knowledge and thought.

When the oak is felled the whole forest echoes with it fall, but a hundred acorns are sown in silence by an unnoticed breeze.
Thomas Carlyle

A Time of Rejoicing

We have returned home and so much has filled these last few weeks that I could burst. Burst with love, pride and even frustration!


My son number 4,the gregarious one, was confirmed on the 11th of last month and the next morning we all left to drive 20 hours to Washington DC to be with our oldest son,his wife and our grandchildren as he graduated with his Masters in English. Our next to the oldest son had just arrived home the day before his brother's confirmation, dropping his belongings at the door, not even unpacking as we flew out on our trip.

To look at these souls that God has given to me and see such greatness in them is humbling.

My newly confirmed son had lead us all in the novenas to prepare him,and us. for this magnificent sacrament with confidence and strength and,of course, a great deal of teasing!

My newly arrived home son with love and humility supported his family by putting aside his fatigue from finals and joyfully added his heart to our trip. Seeing him with his godson and nephew,Luke, is a sight to behold!

My 3rd born son, sick almost the entire time with allergies and a head cold,never complaining and lovingly carrying his niece or nephew around with him all through DC as we flew from sight to sight to see so many things!

My daughter, squished into the smallest of spaces in the van (oh, the joys of being the youngest) and sleeping on the floor in her nieces room, never once complaining. Her care and love towards her niece and nephew was unflagging!

My oldest son, earning his Masters and providing for a family, it makes me weak when I think of how hard he has worked to accomplish this. He has decided to stay and finish his doctoral degree, which is a good decision but a hard one as well. Hard on a mother's heart who wants her son and family close.

My daughter-in-law, what a joy she is for my son, grandchildren and us! Making the tiniest of apartments a darling home and being the one to open it up for some of us to stay there to save on hotel rooms! Watching my grandchildren play, learn and flourish under her and my son's care makes me wish I could go back and be as good a parent as they are.


With all good things come frustrations and so did our trip. My husband's new, fancy camera was stolen. Trying to figure out flights for number 2 son to get back for his girlfriend's 21st birthday was trying only for him to arrive home to have to care for our sick dog who needed a lot of expensive treatment(good thing he was a free dog!) Hot water heater breaking before we left!

But good reader, take notice of how small that paragraph of frustrations is!

I heard once that a problem is not a problem if money can fix it.

True, for the experience of all of us in a van for 40 hours with minimal bickering and being together, all of us,for 13 days was truly a time of rejoicing.

I Continue to Count

It has been quite a few weeks since my last post. I needed to be quiet for Passion and Holy Week and then got so busy these last weeks of the Easter season that I just didn't find time to "feed the blog"!!

Many things grabbing my attention and keeping me preoccupied and also the nagging voice that says "What do you think you are doing? Why in the world do you think you need to have a blog?" So my doubts and self-consciousness have also kept me away. So I will continue for a while more and see if this blog is really for me!

Finishing our home school year with my 3 youngest as my oldest has finished his Master's and my second oldest has successfully finished his 3rd year of college has brought all the doubts of whether or not this was a "Good" year or did I do enough and especially the guilt of all the things I was so eager to do in the fall that fell away. Not for the older two, of course, but the other 3 three who are still mine to form and then release into the world. I know I am not alone with these thoughts as I see other homeschooling moms blog their concerns but they are still mine and they must be put to rest or my summer will be "eaten by the locusts" the locusts of guilt!


I know that God will provide where I have failed. I need to bask in the good,such as my junior son's ACT scores high enough to be eligible for some scholarship money instead of focusing on the lower scores of the test feeling as though I've let that child down in his studies in those
areas!

I have home schooled for 17 years now, and have watched God fill in the blanks. Now I must rest in Him so that I may be refreshed for next year and spend time this summer in prayerful observation as to what my children need from me to build their character and their minds but mostly to form their conscience.

I continue to list but no longer to number my gifts

* The joyful time of Easter
* My husband so talented and hard working that he can install a hot water heater and fix our air conditioner in the span of 3 days!
* A restful Mother's Day and calls from my older sons to tell me they love me!
* Cleaning out a little space in the garage and attic!
* My friends who I really need to spend some time with to refresh my soul
* White roses in my Mother' Day corsage to honor my mother who has been gone since I was 20
* My son's upcoming Confirmation and praying along with him as he leads the novena to The Holy Spirit and the novena to St. Patrick.
*Praying for him and two of my god-daughters who too will make their confirmation on the same day.
* My dirty house! Which is why I will close this post now!

Joining Ann

Jesus Hid Himself

...but Jesus hid Himself, and went out of the temple.

366. My Lord,willing to suffer for me
367. Passion week starting out with suffering for my boys,from rugby injuries
368. My boys are not seriously hurt
369. My daughter helping our neighbor with her garden
370. Homemade bread to share with them too

Jesus hid himself for it was not yet His time to give His life for us. That would be coming soon. I am reminded of His hiding by draping my sacred images and I am saddened. I look to the crucifix daily as I pray,I look to the face of Our Lady for help and consolation when I am worn smooth from the noise and concerns and I am left lonely as I look and I see purple. I am lonely for the face of my Lord and His Mother and the saints in my home.

371. Missing the face of my Lord
372. Anticipation of a canning class and good food from the garden
373. Laughing at the gas prices! What else can I do?
374. Hearing my soul sister say she is proud of my sons
375. Surgeons who will skillfully repair my mother-in-laws wrist

My heart sinks further in my chest when I think of how often He must search for my face,a face that is turned down towards myself and my little crosses. He searches for me to catch me up into His Friendship and my eyes are closed and I do not see. How many times do I only look to Him occasionally? Or halfheartedly?

376. Medicines to ease pain and prevent infection
377. A sweet husband doing so much more for his family than he knows
378. The smell of freshly mowed grass
379. Sunshine but a little cooler
380. The Friendship of Christ

Can you not spend one hour, my Lord asks of me and I yearn to say "Yes" and to be as overzealous as St. Peter and say "Not just one hour but all of them!" And I know that I struggle to stay faithful for even a short time. Today, I will strive to stay in the presence of God, turning my face to His.

Joining Jenny

20{4}40

Giving thanks....

351. My husband spending the morning at a farm to help out
352. A good week of schooling
353. Pictures taken by my daughter
354. Making cheese
355. Stations of the Cross
356. Joking around with my kids
357. Ice cold tea
358. Resting
359. New glasses
360. Making plans for Easter dinner
361. That the ACT test is over for my son and he feels good about it
362. Saturday
363. Dogwood tree blossoms that remind me of our Lord's Wounds
364. Flowering "weeds" in vases
365. Draping the sacred images and crucifixes for Passion week

Joining Jenny

Kites and the Lessons They Teach

The joy of a windy day, a girl and a new butterfly kite brought a smile to my face as she and I ran together to launch it into the blue sky.

336. Bright blue skies
337. Yellow and orange butterfly kite
338. The blue of my daughter's eyes
339. Her wonderfully curly hair
340. The lift to the spirits in flying a kite

Up,up, it would go only to waft helplessly then drift down when there was not enought wind or taughtness on the string, bringing to my mind the thought that so too do I drift through my days when I do not turn my face to the holy wind of the Holy Ghost to inspire my thoughts and actions. So too do I slowly fall when I chafe and pull at the things that keep me grounded;prayers,laundry,teaching those God has given me, the mundane and the beautiful.

341. Two nights in a row of good fellowship and direction
342. The distinction between meditation and contemplation
343. Jenny,patiently explaining them again to me
344. Healing mass at the cathedral and getting to venerate and thought the reliquary of St. Damien's relics
345. The powerful healing found only in the confessional
346. Looking at all the others and realizing how small my sufferings are by comparison

And it is brought to my mind that through submission and living constantly in the presence of God that then we can soar and just like flying that kite we get chances over and over to keep flying closer to our God and relish in His Love.

347. Tired, and bruised young men
348. That they, though bruised, are safe
349. A good book, explained better so I can really benefit from it
350. A upcoming visit to the farm we buy our milk and eggs from to learn about interning with them

Joining Jenny

20{4}40

317. A day spent with friends
318. Baby girls everywhere and one just 10 days old!
319. Cake and ice cream
320. Twirly skirts on a windy day
321. Noisy bread machine
322. Cool morning after a muggy hot day
323. No smoke in the air this morning, hopefully the grass fires are all out
324. A great deal at the store
325. Beautiful piano music
326. Smelly, sweaty kids in the car after playing hard with friends
327. Grass,soft as a carpet, on my feet
328. Wise words of counsel from my soul sister
329. Good priests sharing in the family celebration
330. Laetare Sunday
331. A wonderful retreat with Michael Voris
332. Staying off the computer these last few days
333. Faith
334. Family
335. Kind words from those who read my blog

Searching for the Son

It's been cold, dark and without sun for almost a week. The weather brought a little bit of much needed rain and a great appreciation of the sun. My eyes searched for the sun every morning these past few days and not seeing it they blinked blearily and I started my day having to try just a little bit harder to be cheerful and kind.
Yesterday the sky started to clear but the sky was not blue just a dull gray as though it had forgotten how to push through the spectrum and reflect the blue.
I feel that way too, especially on the dull and wearisome days.The days spent in self, refusing to take the time to pray or let my first thoughts be of Him. I forget or some-days refuse to reflect the Son instead letting my spectrum of emotions and selfishness get in the way of Him.

Today though, I will start the day over and will work to reflect His love and hope that when others see me they will see that I have My Father's eyes.

My gratefulness to My creator continues..

292. Blue sky
293. Bright son
294. Warmer days
295. Songs that inspire
296. My hard-working husband, dealing with the unpredictable work of computers
297. Hot, soapy water
298. Her words and friendship and her dreams
299. My children
300. a house messy from a busy week, yearning to be cleaned
301. Sunshine pouring in to show me what needs to cleaned, both materially and spiritually
302. A fun camera
303. Lent, half gone, so that there is enough left to begin again and try harder
304. Phone call from my god-daughter,wanting me to be part of her life
305. Gray skies, reminding me to search for Him
306. Missing my grown sons
307. Sleepy steps on the stairs
308. The internet and being able to listen to the song you want when you want
309. A phone call bringing relief
310. Free glasses for Terry and me!
311. Watching Bella chase her friend, the squirrel
312. Enjoying right now
313. Practicing living in the Presence of God
314. Reordering and redefining self-discipline for myself and my children
315. Our Lady and her perfect example
316. The anticipation of seeing St Damien's relics

Joining Jenny

Doing What I Should

This morning as I sat at the computer I wrestled with myself as to whether to write a thoughtful post to join Ann for Walk With Him Wednesday or to walk with Him by waking, feeding, saying morning prayers and teaching my children.
I chose to walk with Him by doing what He wants me to do and I know what He wants, because it is my vocation, the vocation given to me though the sacrament of Matrimony. This vocation is one I embrace and am so thankful for. Having grown up in a divorced home I knew from a young age that I wanted to be able to stay home with my children if I were to be blessed with them. So today my day has been filled with Him, in the eyes of my children, in a phone call from the oldest son, in the strong,loving voice of my husband telling me he would remember me at daily mass that he was attending. I am wrapped up,embraced and overwhelmed by Him.

266. Fresh yogurt, strawberries and banana smoothies
267. Great new finds at my favorite "boutique"
268. Laughter around the dinner table
269. A mini trampoline that we are all having fun with
270. Sweet-smelling blossoms on our orange and lemon trees
271. Unexpected visit
272. Mountains of clean laundry to fold
273. Trusting in God
274. Coupons that are current and good sales to use them with
275. Another cold, cloudy day, one I will look back fondly on when it is hot and dry in July
276. A warm sweater
277. An owl outside our window
278. Hungry tummies
279. A chance to help a very kind woman
280. The opportunity for my husband and boys to play basketball with other friends from church
281. Being still
282. Reading
283. Unexpected gift in the mail which reminded me that God,My Father will provide
284. Green grass
285. Redbud trees!!
286. Putting together list for co-op order
287. Tales of my grandchildren's antics
288. Inspiring movie
289. Listening to my daughter tell me a story
290. Remembering to unclench the fist and relax shoulders

20{4}40 To Be Content

Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content. Helen Keller

All my life I have been in awe of Helen Keller, she is an amazing woman and her life shows how valuable each soul is. I do not want to take anything for granted, ever!

241. School day, done and finished
242. Raw honey
243. A cheerful husband, in spite of all he has to deal with
244. A cold early spring day
245. Roast cooking and making the house smell yummy
246. Thoughtful neighbors
247. A peaceful home, when there is so much unrest
248. hugs from my daughter
249. Honesty
250. Good report from the dentist
251. 2 fresh eggs from our chickens
252. Enough, even when I worry there won't be
253. My porch, it's still red and still makes me happy!
254. Thoughtful children
255. Beauty,it's everywhere
256. Cheerful dogs who make me laugh
257. Hauntingly beautiful music (yes, I'm listening to my music on my blog, my daughter says it's depressing but I love it and the love that causes people to write such lyrics
258. For this list of thanksgiving,making me more and more grateful as I write
259. Conveniences that make my life so much easier
260. A beautiful new charm for my bracelet that leads my thoughts to God and to His Mother given for no reason, except that my husband loves me
261. Loving my husband so deeply that I would be stretched out on his grave if he were to leave me (second song on my blog music,if you would like to hear of this type of love)
262. Boys, who will be coming in soon from Rugby,tired, muddy, hungry and full of noise
263. Lock burns and scraped knees and sons who will put medicine on them even though they don't want to
264. The Psalms and praying them
265. The gift of life and given abundantly

Joining Ann and Jenny

20{4}40

I continue to count...

221. A lit candle, prayers, and uniting mine with hers.
221. Beautiful Gregorian chant
222. Rugby match in the cold and mist
223. Yummy lunch and good company and a place to get warm after the match
224. Joyful news of a new soul entering this world,welcome Sophia Elizabeth!!!!
225. A wonderful afternoon with my husband and then mass,dinner and casual conversation with our wonderful Bishop, Bishop Slattery.
226. Spiritual direction
227. Holding a precious baby
228. Seeing family from our of state, unexpectedly, at mass
229. Getting up earlier than usual
230. Oatmeal and freshly ground wheat soaking for tomorrow
231. Seeing my friends at coffee and donuts
232. Watching a godson at mass well loved
233. A church family who loves well
234. A quiet Sunday afternoon
235. Children sharing ice cream (it is Sunday!)
236. Souls all clean,fresh from the confessional
237. An Easter dress found for my Promised from God daughter
238. Peaceful home
239. My opened heart,willing to hear
240. The Eucharist

The Annunciation

I love this picture of the Annunciation, showing the archangel Gabriel kneeling before Mary, the queen of heaven and earth. Humility is reflected on her face and in her posturing but yet Gabriel is kneeling as befitting his acknowledgment of his queen. What beauty this image holds.

My heart overflows with gratitude..
191. The Annunciation
192. A call from the Strong son who has done well on his comps for his masters!!!
193. The humility of Our Lady
194. A good day of school
195. Simple procedure on the Joyful son's foot that went well
196. An extra gallon of fresh milk available
197. Making yogurt from the extra milk
198. Beer bread
199. First class feasts during Lent
200. Cooking for my family
201. A cheerful husband, happy to be home for the week
202. Anticipating Stations of the Cross tonight
203. A new book to read just arrived in the mail
204. Tulips just bloomed in the yard
205. A kiss from my husband
206. A pink shirt that lifts my spirits
207. Dinner made by my brother-in-law and niece
208. A call to Jenny that always lifts my spirits
209. Rugby game to go to tomorrow
210. Rereading One Thousand Gifts, sooo good
211. A cold morning, blossoming into a warm blessing of a day
212. Meniere's attack finally easing today
213. Skype, an amazing way to keep in contact with my darling grandbabies
214. Being content
215. Being mindful of unfurling my soul to the Son
216. My sweet Jesus
217. The suffering my Lord suffered for me
218. A stray dog we rescued that has brought such joy to us
219. The week-end
220. Good music

Joining Jenny

In all things give thanks

Continuing my journey of thanks

161. Sisterly advice
162. A guide to reading the Bible in 2 years, more my pace than doing it in one year. Thanks Lisa
163. The music on my blog
164. My daughter saying that she liked that we were eating healthier, Thanks to Nourishing Traditions cookbook
165. Meniere's Disease, keeps me praying and it can't kill me! lol
166. Losing weight and lose clothes
167. Praying the Monastic Diurnal
168. A busy afternoon, so busy that only 2 parents can make it happen
169. A husband so willing to help make #168 happen
170. Leftovers
171. The hope of rain
172. Chickens laying eggs again
173. A 10lb dog snoring louder than a grown man!
174. Finding new blogs to explore
175. The people who find and read my blog
176. A slow morning to help me get my balance See #165
177. Medicine that helps
178. Quiet
179. The morning smiles of my children
180. The morning call from my wonderful husband
185. Clean, hot water for morning showers
186. Clean, cold water for drinking
187. Amazing comforts that so many in the world do not have
188. A young man, heading to Afghanistan (can he really be old enough?) and all of us mothers praying with his mother for his safety
189. Lent
190. Crosses that sometimes feel to big but have been chosen especially for each one of us

Small Successes

“God makes three requests of his children: Do the best you can, where you are, with what you have, now”

1. I chose to handle a situation in our honeschooling with joy and patience.

2. I have been reading The Liturgical Year by Abbot Guernanger,OSB daily.

3. I let go of a situation I have no control over, went to mass and confession and now am trying really hard not to take it back. ;)

Yes, Lord

Yes, Lord I will...
Today, I will walk with you.
Today,I will strive to talk softly with great charity.
Today, I will love passionately the souls you gave to me.
Today, I will remember that I must live each moment to it's complete fullness before rushing onto the next.
Today, I will be still inside to hear You.
Today,I will try to remember that each moment is a prayer.
Today, I will unclench the fist and live unfurled under the warmth of Your most generous love and acceptance.

Joining Ann

20{4}40

“You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.” — G. K. Chesterton

131. Terry getting our street lamp working!
132. Breaking bread with good friends
133. Making my own buttermilk and having it ready to use when I needed it
134. Trying to regain the eucharisteo of life
135. Living in the now
136. Praying the breviary
137. For a pediatrician who has known me and my children half my life and all theirs
138. For breathing treatments and an inhaler for my joyful son's bronchial spasms
139. Sharing the pain of a father who is losing his son to an illness and no known cure
140. For life lived abundantly
142. For children running,laughing and playing as the light slips away in the evening
143. For a pleasant evening to sit on the porch and listen to them
144. For Jenny always taking the time to talk to me and knowing what I was going to say before I even called!
145. A new soaked oatmeal recipe getting ready to pop into the oven
146. An evening call from my granddaughter to say goodnight and I love you
147. a Beautiful video from Benedictine College
150. Children doing schoolwork in spite of a crazy day
151. A red porch, all done
152. Children doing chores and more
153. Music in the house
154. Hot chai tea in the morning
155. Spiritual reading
156. Neighbors
157. Fresh raw milk that makes beautiful buttermilk
158. Being loved
159. Loving deeply
160. Jonquils still fresh on the table

Joining Jenny

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111. Continuing family traditions
112. Safe travel for my son and his girlfriend back to college
113. Generous gift to my strong son,his wife and family
114. My husband's guidance and direction
115. Having friends that are good enough to complain to
116. the Mass
117. Feast Days
118. Fasting
119. The wind ruffling the slats on the shutters
120. My hearing
121. A new Raven tradition at Benedictine college started by my wise son
122. A quiet visit with a good friend
123. New rugby positions for the rugby playing sons, who have been nicknamed the twins. :)
124. That hard times really can make us stronger
125. Watching old family movies
126. Getting my house in order
127. Finding a great new family owned restaurant
128. Making my own laundry soap
129. The hum of the washing machine
130. Obedience, in my children and in myself

Joining Ann and Jenny

20{4}40

91. Work
92. Spring cleaning
93. St. Patrick's Day dinner with grandparents
94. Looking forward to my son's girlfriend's visit
95. Finished projects
96. Unfinished projects, what would I do with all that spare time if I ever got everything done?
97. A crockpot yogurt recipe
98. ceiling fans on a warm spring day
99. A hard working husband, who comes home from working and works more with not complaint
100. Wow! 100 things to be grateful for!
101. Sunshine spaying out over the wood floor showing me I almost got all the dog hair up! ;)
102. Anticipation of fun
103. Really good talk on fasting
104. Good priests
105. Professors willing to teach truth and leading so many souls to the one True Church
106. Birds singing through my open windows
107. My think happy stuff mug
108. Spell-check!
109. Allergy medicine
110. Knowing that God is in charge,even when there is so much hurting in the world and that it does count if all I can do is pray.

Joining Jenny